Yellow Ribbons
by Eisee does it
Summary: While Raph succumbs to grief after losing Leo, Donatello choses to protect what his eldest brother left behind. Raph/Leo, mpreg
1. Chapter 1

Title: Yellow Ribbons

Author: Eiseedoesit

Beta: Andromeda Prime

Summary: While Raph succumbs to grief after losing Leo, Donatello choses to protect what his eldest brother left behind. Raph/Leo, mpreg

Rating: M

Warnings: Mpreg; Tcest; Violence; Slight gore; alcoholism; OC; does writing in a fandom for the first time warrant a warning? XD

* * *

><p>Her presence was light, comforting even as she sat on his shoulders, her tiny body slung over his head. Her arms were crossed, her head resting over them as tired eyes skimmed the pages of Donnie's book. She tugged at the back of her uncle's purple mask, partly to ensure he wasn't dozing off but mostly to keep herself from slumping off his shoulders.<p>

"Hey, you okay there kiddo?"

She rubbed her eyes. With a heavy sigh she flopped her tiny body over the older mutant's head, her arms dangling over his eyes and knocking the reading glasses off his face.

"Yes Uncle Don Don," she yawned, "Go on with the story about the...the three bears who ate someone else's food. Please?"

"Really Lucy? Cause you do sound tired,"

"I'm not tire!" The little turtle tot was dangling over his head like a rag as she let out a heavy yawn, "You're tired."

"No Lucia," Donatello lifted her off his shoulders. "Looks like we had enough stories for tonight. Time for bed."

"But I don't need to sleep." She made her displeasure known by grabbing his head in a very Raph-like grip, refusing to budge. "Uncle Mikey never sleeps. And Raph's never here...why can't I just stay up like everyone else?"

"They don't know better." There was a distinct pop as he peeled her off his head. "Well, they do but you're still a kid. Plus it really doesn't take a genius to see you're about to pass out in three...two...one."

And true to Donatello's calculations, little Lucy was out, her mouth still open in mid-protest just as exhaustion won. He took her scarf, a soft yellow one that April had given as a birthday present, and wrapped her securely in it. She squirmed, her freckled face scrunching as she buried herself deeper into her makeshift blanket.

"There ya go. Off to bed." Resting her against his chest, he ventured quietly through the lair, tip toeing over all her scattered books and toys that seemed to multiply whenever April came to visit.

His eyes kept drifting to her, even though he could still feel her breathing and restlessly kicking there was always that paranoid tug at the back of his mind saying he could never be too careful. She groaned, punching something in her sleep so hard her arm slipped out from the blanket. Her face scowled and eased. And in that brief second between distress and peace, Donatello saw Leo again.

Honestly he couldn't help but see his eldest brother whenever he saw Lucy. Her simple gestures, her quirks, and even the cautious spark in her thoughtful blue eyes. The way she was both honest and foolishly fearless, the unspoken sweetness underneath all the mischief. Leo was constantly there. But there were moments when his influence on her would seem sharper, more pronounced. More so in her sleep, in her nightmares. And they were becoming worse as of late.

"Rest easy. We have a full day tomorrow,"

Donatello carefully placed his niece on her cot, pulling out her favorite blue pillow to stuff beneath her tired head. He turned on her nightlight, one of the few sensical gifts Mikey got for her, and gave her one last check before leaving her to rest.

He spent the rest of the hour on his workbench, busy tinkering with a broken laptop. In truth the battered thing was beyond repair, so Donatello did what he did best and just took it all apart to create something new. It was cold in the lair that night, but for some reason he was breaking a sweat, eyes narrowed as he dissected his latest project. He didn't know what it would turn out to be. Perhaps he could give robotics another shot, something for Lucy to chase around the dojo when everyone else got busy. But knowing how these things usually turn out, Mikey would be more entertained by it, probably playfully pushing their niece out of the way to get to the robot first.

For all his shortcomings, Mikey's never-ending enthusiasm was something Donatello appreciated the older they got. Sure it was overwhelming, and at times it felt like he was dealing with two turtle tots running all over him. But there was a determined positivity that Mikey radiated. It was strange and awkward, yes, but it did ease the stark pain that Leo's absence left.

For most of them anyways.

Ten o'clock passed. Splinter bade him goodnight, his sensei telling him to use his glasses to prevent straining his eyes just before disappearing. Donatello did so. Some things, no matter how much both of them aged, simply couldn't be outgrown.

Midnight passed. Heavy snoring poured over the sounds of Mikey's video game, endlessly looping the tune on the menu screen. Donnie got up to turn off the console and TV. And just because he felt generous that night, he also pulled Mikey's half-falling body up on the couch properly, in a way that wouldn't give him a sore neck in the morning.

One o'clock, then two. It was finally three when Raph appeared, one sai strapped behind his shell and the other one tight on his grip. They were both stained, the familiar hue a stale, dark red against the gleaming metal. He was taller, stronger than he was when they were all still young. It amazed Donatello how much his older brother grew, as if the mutagen wasn't through with its strange work. His shell was larger, near impossible to crack now. The veins were swollen against the hard muscles, making him older than his years. His face was grim and fixed into a narrow scowl, the gravity of his anger and resentment weighing down even that part of him.

Neither acknowledged the other, at least verbally. Donatello glared at him briefly before burying his face in his work, smacking his work goggles over his eyes even though he didn't need them.

It wasn't right, the silence between them, the border-line hateful glares they threw at each other. It was futile to try and talk sense to Raphael. Not after what happened to Leo. Any attempts, no matter how gentle, were burned down in a rage only Raph could muster.

Donatello didn't try to stop him anymore. Not even when the news would feature his older brother's latest assault against the Foot. Or when the cringe-inducing photos would flash on the screen, or when the newscasters debated whether the Nightwatcher was a savior of society or a menace greater than the Foot members he slaughtered.

He didn't approve of it. It wasn't what they were meant to do...well, not in the way Splinter intended. But that didn't seem to matter to Raph. And if it didn't matter to Raph, then there was no use trying to convince him otherwise. It was taxing, physically and emotionally. He didn't have the heart for it. Unlike Leo.

Little Leo. That was Mikey's nickname for Lucy, though he only used it when Raph wasn't around. Wisely enough. There was a lot of truth in that nickname, a lot of comfort if one chose to see all the good Leo left behind. And it frustrated Donnie that Raph, of all people, just refused to see it.

Donnie's eyes were painful now, the toil of the day at last catching up to him. He tidied his work station in the traditional style of 'organized chaos' before leaving, the thought of his bed suddenly appealing.

He passed by the dojo, slowing down as Raph kneeled beside an open chest. The red-masked turtle had the chest in the middle of the dojo, going through the assorted treasures inside carefully, staring intently at one piece that Donnie recognized instantly.

"Raph."

Raphael looked up, his eyes heavy and dark. There was anger there, harsh flecks of yellow gleaming against the green orbs. The accusing bitterness in that gaze smothered any affection Donnie held for him.

"Never mind," The younger ninja said, shaking his head, forcing himself to walk away before his resolve to stay civil crumbled. There were other things he wanted to say, many things actually. Resentful, painful, pitiful things. But he kept his mouth sealed. Raph would never listen. And whatever words came from his mouth, no matter how true they were, would only deepen the rift between them.

"Uncle Donnie? Uncle Mikey?"

There was a creak. A thin line of light spread out as a small figure tip toed towards them. She looked like a blob of walking fabric, her yellow blanket wrapped all around her with just those sweet blue eyes peeking out. They shone brightly, even in the dim light, widening when they saw Raph leaning over the mysterious chest with a mask in his hands.

Lucy waddled closer to Raph, standing up as high as she could to get a glimpse of the box. Wobbling, she stood on her toes.

The box shut with a heavy clang. Raph's hand pressed protectively over it. His mouth was tight, his eyes no softer as he turned to face the startled child. Lucy blinked, scampered two steps back, her small body sinking deeper inside her blanket as Raph kicked the box away, as if she meant to snatch it from him.

"What?" Raph's green eyes narrowed. He aged gracelessly, the lines and scars marred his face into something frightening.

Lucy's blue eyes studied him intently. Raph scowled, waving her away. Donnie didn't miss his brother's hesitation, the regret in his step or the weariness of his sigh.

"Go back to your room," Raph said, dismissing her, avoiding even a courteous glance.

"I...I can't go back to sleep," Lucy pipped up, her voice soft and light. "I got scared."

"I don't remember asking," Raph said. "I_ told _you to go to your room."

"I don't wanna go back. I'm scared." In a rare show of defiance Lucy took a step towards him. "Please? I wanna stay here. Look in the box with you-"

"No. Not now. And these things aren't meant for you." Raph's voice rose as Lucy's eyes fell, fixing their sight away from him.

"But I saw some of those things before," Lucy replied. "I can't remember exactly when or where. But that mask-"

"Isn't yours," Raph said, dismissing her as he turned away. "Leave. Now."

Lucy's head was downcast as she obeyed, her soft footsteps hurrying back to her room, the yellow blanket barely concealing her distraught face.

"How could you?" Donatello shook his head. "What were you thinking? Talking to her like that!"

"Not now Donnie," Raph grumbled, walking away from his brother. "I'm not interested in another one of your lectures or your updates on what a terrible fuck up I am."

"Oh believe me Raph, I don't need to announce it."

He didn't stay to see his brother's reaction. He didn't need to. Right now his priority was to undo the damage Raph had done.

* * *

><p>"Lucia?"<p>

Donnie knocked the sides of the door before entering.

"Lucy?"

There was soft sobbing and the sound of paper ripping from the spine. The older turtle walked over towards her cot, kneeling and wrapping an arm around her shaking shoulders.

"It's okay kiddo," Donnie said. "Raph doesn't know what he's talking about sometimes. You did nothing wrong. It's alright."

"No it's not," Lucy said, wiping the tears from her face, stubbornly ripping the pages from her book. She looked up at her uncle, eyes red and soaked, face pulled down and back in a restrained cry. "He hates me."

Donatello's jaw dropped, his usually sharp mind at a loss for what to say. Lucy kept ripping apart her book, each ruined page a crumpled mess in her fists.

"No...no Lucia. He doesn't hate you," Donnie said.

"I hate him," Lucy replied, sobbing harder, ripping harder. "I hate him!"

Donnie pulled the book away from his niece and wrapped his arms around her. She kept crying, her little fists wound tightly around his neck.

"He doesn't hate you."

"How-" Lucy sniffled, gulping her words half way. "How do you know that Uncle Donnie?"

"I just do," Donnie said, rubbing her back to soothe her. "It's a brother thing. Besides, Raph isn't the best at expressing himself."

Lucy didn't seem convinced, shrugging even as her sobs began to ease.

"You know, love and hate aren't exclusive. Or even opposites. Raph was much worse when he was younger. Just ask your Uncle Mikey. But as tough as Raph was to be around we didn't doubt that he loved us," Donnie said kindly, rubbing the sides of her face gently. "You feeling better now? You look a little bit better."

The child nodded, rubbing her eyes dry.

"Ready to go back to sleep? It's very late,"

She shook her head, wrapping the yellow blanket around herself.

"I had the nightmare again," Lucy said softly. "The one with you getting swept away."

"Oh," Donnie's shoulders slumped. "The one about the river?"

"Yeah," Lucy said, "The water crashed on you. Your mask washed away. They were screaming. It was so dark. Loud. Are dreams supposed to be loud Uncle Donnie?"

"Sometimes they are," Donnie replied. "And sometimes they're not. But no matter what you see or hear in them they're just that, dreams. They can't hurt you. Especially while I'm here."

"I know Uncle Don," Lucy said, resting her head against him.

"You should rest again Lu, you'll need it,"

"Can you stay?" Lucy asked, "Even for a little bit? Please Uncle Don? Please? I promise to be quiet and close my eyes. I promise not to fuss."

She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and pleading. The memory of his eldest brother, eyes open and pleading, burst in his mind.

"Alright Lucy," Donnie smiled and held the child closer to him. "I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"I don't want the dreams again. I don't want to be scared. I don't want you to go,"

"I can't make promises about the dreams. But I'm right here okay?" Donnie said. "For as long as you need me."

Lucy blinked, her eyes bright with trust only a child could muster. She nodded, accepting his words for truth. Her body fell into a fitful rest, huddling against him. He had no track of the time, resolving to stay whenever she would whine or fidget in her sleep, afraid that she would awake from another nightmare alone. He stroked the top of her head, studying her face with a sad smile. She took so much after Leo that at times it was bridging on haunting. But in that quiet moment the resemblance was gentle and comforting, easing his guilt over his brother's loss.

There was a large shadow at the door, pulling him back from his musings. Raph stood at the doorway, his green eyes aglow as he stared at them. At Lucy.

His large feet shifted, anxious, as if uncertain how they should move. He opened his mouth, hands open and up, but no apology came. Instead he stepped back, turned his gaze away from the sleeping child and left.

* * *

><p>"You spoil her."<p>

Donnie's eyes narrowed at his brother's deadpan remark. Raph was sitting on the dojo floor, one hand over his head and the other one clenching the neck of a liquor bottle.

"You coddle her too much; she won't ever be strong. She'll think it's okay to be always in your shadow. She'll never learn to get over those nightmares on her own."

"Oh? Right Raph. I guess you would know. Especially since you've been recovering so well from your nightmares all by yourself," Donnie shook his head, walking towards his brother cautiously.

Raph drank heavily from the bottle, throwing it aside as carelessly as he seemed to treat everything else. The bottle nearly hit Donnie's foot. He dodged it easily.

"Go on. Let's it over with," Raph said, waving his arm out towards his brother. "Go on smart one. I know you have a lot to say. So say it. Say it!"

"It's not your fault."

Donnie waited for a reaction, for a curse or a sai or another bottle to be thrown at him. Instead Raphael was silent, his head bowed down and held in his shaking hands.

Vulnerability was something Raph loathed, something that he would never show in a sober state. As disapproving as Donnie was towards his love of alcohol, he did appreciate that it calmed Raph enough for them to talk for longer than five seconds. Strangely enough Donnie had a hard time recalling anytime where they had a decent conversation after losing Leo that didn't involve some type of liquor. It became like medicine to Raph, numbing him enough to release the pain and grieve.

"Raphael," Donnie kneeled down beside his brother and placed a hand on the broad shoulder. It was hot to the touch, feverish, trembling. "What happened to Leo wasn't your fault."

The younger turtle glanced within the box Raph treasured so much.

"And it's not her fault either."

He caught a glimpse of Leo in a photograph he recalled Mikey taking. Their former leader was young in the photo, the joy in his eyes haunting. There was a bundle of yellow in his arms, the tiny form of Lucy barely seen in his protective embrace.

"And no amount of dead Foot soldiers can change anything. You can't keep living like this Raph. Leo...he wouldn't want this."

Raph pulled his shoulder away, the motions rough, dismissive.

"No. You're wrong Donnie." He tightened his red mask, dark from the tears it caught. He took up his two sai, his gait unwavering as he finally looked his brother straight in the eye.

"To be with us...to be with Lucy...that's what Leo would have wanted. But they took that away," Raph's eyes were blazing as he spoke, the promise of violence deep in his voice. "Don't ask me to forget that. Don't tell me to stop. I won't. Not until they've suffered like we did."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Donatello sighed deeply, eyes straining as he carved Lucy's name on the end of a bo staff he fashioned from scratch. The simple project required much more time than he anticipated.

He set aside the knife and reached for the yellow ribbon. Lucy made suggestions that he of course had to accommodate, like having a yellow ribbon wound tightly around the middle with flowers etched along the ends of the staff. And like everything else, Donnie exceeded expectations.

"No fair Uncle Mikey! You only took three cards. You gotta get one more,"

"Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about Lu," Mikey feigned ignorance, giggling as he shrugged dramatically, "Like, I took four I swear,"

Donnie glanced up from his work, smiling as Lucy peeked her blue eyes over a fan of Uno cards she held protectively close to her face. Mikey was less careful in hiding his cards, frequently flashing them with his restless fussing.

"Uncle Donnie-"

"Get another card Mikey,"

"Ugh, c'mon Don,"

"Get another card," The older turtle said, turning back to his work on the staff, "Be an example. Play fair,"

"But that's what you're here for bro," Mikey whined as he took another card, "You're the boring, responsible uncle which by default makes me the awesome one remember? Am I right or am I totally right Lu?"

Lucy giggled, putting down a colorful card informing him to draw four more.

"What? Oh come on! These cards are so rigged," The youngest ninja threw his hands up in the air, scattering the cards in defeat, "One of you set me up!"

Michelangelo slumped down his chair until he completely hit the floor, rolled over with his face down and slapped his hands over his head.

"Oh Uncle Mikey," Lucy laughed, diving after him. She tugged at his deadweight hands, "Come on, best three out of five?"

"Bested by my own niece," Mikey groaned in reply, "My own six year old niece. Six…"  
>"Sorry," Lucy said, patting her uncle's arm. Her voice was low and worried, her bright eyes wide with concern that she really did hurt her uncle's feelings.<p>

"Never apologize for being skilled at something," Donnie said, waving Lucy towards him, "Even something as trivial as a card game,"

"Yes Uncle Don," Lucy nodded, "But should Uncle Mikey have his face down like that?"

"Oh that? Well that's an easy fix Lu."

The older turtle put his project aside and took his niece into his arms. He walked over to the miserable ball of shame known as Mikey and gave him a gentle kick.

"Hey Mikey, order some pizza. It's on me today. Just tell the guy to leave it between 122 and 123,"

Donatello blinked. And in the span of that blink Mikey was gone, a light fluff of dust hovering in the air was all that remained of his presence.

"Oh wow," Lucy said, "I didn't know Uncle Mikey could move that fast,"

"Ha, he can definitely defy the boundaries of reality when it comes to pizza," Donnie laughed, "In the mean time did you start on the new book Aunt April got you?"

"Yup, yup!" Lucy's face lit up, eyes wide with excitement, "It's the third book in the Space Heroes series. Last time Captain Ryan and his crew got trapped in the sand pits and the monstrous solar serpents were gonna crush them all inside the ship! But then guess what?"

"What?" Donnie said, heightening the elation in his voice to match her own, "Did they escape?"

"Well…," The little turtle took a deep breath, "Celestial rescues them and everyone except thought she became their friend but then it turned out she really wasn't so Mindstrong had to snap Captain Ryan out of it and poor Crankshaw got slapped instead but anyways they're trying to tell Captain Ryan that Celestial is still evil but he doesn't wanna listen and it's so sad and I wanna hug Crankshaw and then this big ship came down-"

Lucy happily rambled on, taking short breaths only when absolutely necessary. Donnie chuckled, listening politely to her vast knowledge of the Space Heroes universe-or rather multiverse as she so kindly corrected him.

"And then he saved the day by cutting the red cord. He's so awesome Uncle Donnie! I wanna be like that too,"

"Like Captain Ryan?"

"Yup, except no slapping. Slapping is mean,"

"Unless they're your enemies," Mikey popped back in, "Then you slap them silly Lu. Slap em' silly,"

Lucy giggled as Mikey proceeded to smack imaginary faces in the air.

"Ah, and is the little lady learning well from her Uncles? Or is there something in need of correction?"

"Grandpa!" Lucy squirmed out of Donnie's arms and waddled over to Splinter, "I beat Uncle Mikey again at Uno. You should teach him how to play,"

"Okay now you're just rubbing it in," Mikey muttered, crossing his arms and dramatically turning away, "Just plain hurtful. You are a harsh lil turtle. That's why I got you anchovies on your side of the pizza,"

"Anchovies?" Lucy's face was one of genuine concern and disgust all at once.

"Aww, I'm just playing Lu," Mikey patted her head, "You know that,"

"You're always playing,"

"Yeah, don't you forget it. And oh, April's already got the pizza," Miky bounced on his toes, "With ice cream and cake! She'll be here soon. Oh man I'm so hungry I can eat the whole pie."

"You're gonna get a bellyache Uncle Mikey," Lucy shook her head, "A really bad one if you eat it all,"

"Ah, now you're just being a little more Leo than usual,"

"Mikey," Donnie warned.

The youngest ninja promptly shut up, clasping his hands over his mouth.

"Huh?" Lucy looked up at Splinter, who took picked her up and carried her away, "Grandpa what's a Leo?"

"Um Lu, why don't you help Master Splinter in the kitchen for a little bit? While we wait for April okay?" Donnie said while narrowing his eyes at Mikey.

"But what's a Leo?"

"It's uh….umm...uh...a sign! It's a sign, like of the month you were born in? I mean..yeah, like the sign you were born in! Errr..." Mikey stumbled across his words before he finally got them right, forcing the confidence out enough to convince her he wasn't making it up, "Uh yeah, that's what a Leo is"

"Come now little one," Splinter said, quickly distracting the child by placing her on his shoulders, "You must help me prepare for our guest,"

Lucy gave no protest and slumped her body over Splinter's head, sighing contently as he carried her away.

"What was that about?" Donnie asked once both Lucy and Splinter were out of earshot.

"I know right? Splinter never let me ride on his shoulders,"

"I meant you bringing up Leo,"

"I just couldn't help it bro," Mikey shrugged. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "It's kinda hard not to bring him up. Especially when she tries to boss us around. And I was thinking...yeah, I really was thinking Donnie...I was thinking that maybe we should tell her? About what happened to him?"

Donnie looked down, shaking his head even as he touched Mikey's shoulder.

"You know we all agreed that when Lucy hears the truth that Raph should be the one to break it to her,"

"I know man but Raph's never here. Not really anyways," Mikey replied, "And he sure as hell won't bring it up. Lucy's turning seven soon. Don't you think she should know?"

"No one's telling her anything,"

Donnie and Mikey flinched when Raph appeared from the tunnel, throwing a heavy bag of supplies to the side.

"Yeah, but bro we were thinking-"

"No one is telling her about Leo," Raph's voice became louder, more pressured, "Do you think she even remembers him enough to care?"

"Well, maybe if we actually told her about him instead of dodging it every time, then she would have a reason to care," Mikey said, crossing his arms. A rare, serious scowl tightened across his face, "C'mon Raph, for goodness sake Leo's her moth-"

"If you want the kid to hear the truth about Leo then fine, but she's gonna hear the whole damn thing," Raph said, the bitterness thick in those words, "Including how I fucked everything up when I began fucking Leo,"

Donnie tightened his hold on Mikey's shoulder when his younger brother stepped towards Raph. Their elder brother looked ready to snap another person in half. And in Raph's current mental and emotional state, Donnie had no doubt he would.

"Hey, you can't tell her that!" Mikey's jaw dropped, "You didn't ruin anything when you went with Leo. And don't you dare make it sound like Lucy was some mistake. If Leo were here-"

"Ha," Raph rolled his head back, his exaggerated laughs were harsh and mocking, "If Leo were here? yeah, I'll tell her that part too. Tell her all about why he isn't here and why we're all hiding in our own fucking shadows. She'll be so thrilled won't she? To know one parent is dead and the other one's me. Great news right?"

"You know that isn't true," Donnie said, "You keep saying it's a mistake, what happened between you and Leo, but that's not what I saw,"

"Well of course, Donatello, of course," Raph replied, "You think you know everything. You always have the right answer. And you know what, yeah, you always have a solution to every problem except how to get Leo back. And until you can answer that, Donnie, I don't fucking care what you say or think,"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Mikey pulled his shoulder out off Donnie's grip, "We're just trying to help you man. Why you gotta be such a jerk?"

"Enough," Donnie stepped in between his brothers before either did anything impulsive, "Raph please. For the sake of this day can you take a minute to just cool off? No fighting or blaming or guilt tripping. Let's just put all of...this...aside. Please, for one day? This day?"

"There ain't no point," Raph said, "Don't know why you even bother with this birthday nonsense,"

Donnie took a deep breath. There was no sense in arguing further.

"We do it because it helps us. Because we want to include Leo in our lives even if he's not really here. It's comforting,"

Raph shook his head in response, a bitter smile tightening across his face.

"And if you don't want a part in it then that's your choice," Donnie continued, "We don't tell you what to do. So don't tell us how we should celebrate...or grieve.

"Whatever," Raph said, "You clowns do whatever you want. I'm going topside. Bash a few more Foot skulls,"

Mikey opened his mouth but promptly closed it under Donnie's glare.

"Very well. You're welcome to join us if you change your mind," Donnie said, nodding curtly to his elder brother before turning away.

Mikey followed close behind him, leaving Raph alone. Just as the armor-clad turtle wanted.

"Hey Don," Mikey asked softly once Raph was out of earshot, "Ya think he's still looking?"

"I know he is," Donnie replied, smiling and waving as Lucy popped out of the kitchen. She was a bouncing shell of excitement and energy, her face already half stuffed with pizza and ice cream. April laughed loudly, chasing after the little turtle with a wad of napkins and a camera as Splinter looked on.

"Man, Lucy's really getting some speed on those legs. She's gotten faster, stronger," Mikey said, "Kinda freaks me out sometimes how much she looks like Leo. You'd think Raph would, I dunno, appreciate that. Seems to hate it though,"

"But he doesn't. You know that Mikey. You were there too,"

"Feels like forever since then bro," Mikey said, "Sometimes I don't even think Raph remembers,"

"Oh he does," Donnie replied, "That's why it hurts."

For all Raph's shortcomings as a father, Donnie couldn't completely detest him, not when he witnessed first hand how much Raph loved Lucy. Even if it was for a brief time in her life, Raphael did act like a father towards her. Donnie remembered that clearly. And there was a part of him that held on to the hope that Raphael loved her still. Perhaps it was foolish, but he hoped for it all the same.

"So what are all the treats for? All the pizza and ice cream? " Lucy asked, stuffing a handful of marshmallows on top of the pizza, much to Mikey's praise.

"Aww, just celebrating. Could be any reason you want," Donnie replied, "If you're complaining about all the food we can easily send it out with Aunt Apr-"

"Oh no Uncle Donnie, no," Lucy said, "I'm not complaining about pizza ever,"

April winked at Lucy as she helped the tiny turtle pull a gooey slice off the box.

"That's a relief Lucy. Didn't know a turtle who didn't like pizza. Oh! And I guess what movie I finally got a copy of? I bet you'll love it so much you'll make your uncles sit through it a hundred times,"

"Oh no...like how she made us sit through Space Heroes vs. Swamp Monsters of Planet Krux?" Mikey groaned into the marsh mallows he stuffed into his face.

"Really? What is it Aunt April?" Lucy said, trying to swerve her body to see the old vhs tape April was hiding behind her, "Please? I wanna see,"

April grinned, putting the vhs cover before the little girl's eyes. Lucy's face lit up, her mouth wide in a silent squeal of excitement.

"Well?" April shrugged, "Am I gonna get a hug or-"

The young woman nearly toppled over as the little turtle tackled her, hugging so tight it squeezed the breath from her.

"Oh my goodness Aunt April! I can't believe it! I can't! You got Space Heroes Meet the Super Robo Mecho Force Five. This is where they have to battle for the galaxy. Can we watch it now please? Please? Please? Please?"

"Whoa Lucy," Donnie pulled his niece away from April by the shell, "Give her some room to breathe. Let the blood go to her legs again kiddo,"

"Oh, I'm sorry Auntie April I just-I'm just so happy," Lucy said, bouncing in place as she clenched the battered vhs against her chest, "Thank you so much!"

"To be honest though your Uncle Casey was the one who found it. He would have given it to you himself but he's got that hockey game today. The kiddos are playing and it would be weird for their coach to just disappear half way through the game."

"Wow! Really? That's so awesome. They'll totally win for sure," Lucy said, "Can you hug and kiss him thank you for me please?"

"Of course Lu," April laughed and kissed the top of Lucy's head, "I'll be sure to let him know how much you loved the gift,"

April adjusted the yellow ribbon on Lucy's head, nodding as the child babbled about the previous installment of the Space Heroes Saga. Donnie sighed watching them. It was a happy sigh, one full of content. There was a time when he wanted nothing more than to be with April, to always feel that wonderful yet infuriating feeling at the pit of his stomach whenever she was near, the thrill of first love and the despair of first heartbreak.

The years did strange things to people and they were no exception. April was just a beautiful to him as she was that first time they met, but she was stronger too, smarter, even kinder if such a thing were possible. Casey changed as well, he was more responsible, still daring but wiser in his choices, thinking more about his future and how April factored into it. And the ring on her hand was a stark reminder of that.

It had hurt him deeply, when her choice was made for the world to know by a glance at her hand. But there was little anger in Donnie when he finally congratulated them, offering his best wishes to the newly engaged couple. His logical mind, more in check and mature than in his youth, had eased the pain in his heart. What reason did he have to be angry at Casey other than his own wounded ego? Why would he object to something caused April so much happiness?

The questions were difficult to cope with, the answers even more so. But in the end his desire to see April's choices fulfilled outweighed whatever longing he had to have her. The love he held for her was still there, only it was different now, quiet but far stronger than before. And strangely, surprisingly...content.

"Hey, earth to Donnie," April said, waving him over to where the others had settled into their seats, "We're about to watch the movie. Sit beside me and Lucy?"

"Yeah Uncle Donnie," Lucy said, patting the empty spot on the floor beside April, "Let's go,"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Start the movie,"

Donnie sat next to April while Lucy crawled over to his lap, settling comfortably as her uncle hugged her.

"Shuussshhh it's starting. They're gonna bust into the bad guy's headquarters to rescue Captain Ryan I think. That's how the last movie ended," Lucy informed him.

"Well, let's hope they succeed," Donnie replied.

Lucy didn't respond, her attention completely taken by the story unfolding on the screen. Donnie watched the movie over the little turtle's yellow ribbon, cringing at the out-dated effects and less-than-stellar dialogue. But his niece was invested in it, reacting to every predictable twist and turn with as much enthusiasm as Leo once did.

He would have adored her.

No.

He did adore her, long ago, with a measure of love Donnie feared Lucy would never experience again.

Donnie's guilt, no matter how unwarranted and misplaced, hit him hard.

Lucy suddenly gasped. Panic immediately seized Donnie.

"Oh no! They got the quantum portal to open," Lucy's hands flew up in the air before grasping her ribbon in frustration, "How's Captain Ryan gonna stop them?"

Donnie's fears eased. He calmed, constantly telling himself that Lucy wasn't going to disappear and crumble like Leo had. Still, he held on to her tighter. She didn't seem to mind though, her focus invested on how the great captain would save his crew yet again from the jaws of imminent disaster.

The film went on, revealing another quest Captain Ryan must undertake to save the day. Eventually though weariness got the better of all of them, Lucy included. Her body slumped, jolting up intermittently to fight the sleep slowly overcoming her. By the time she finally surrendered and snoozed away her Uncle Mikey had joined the chorus, his violent snoring blaring louder than the final battle scene of the movie.

April turned the video off before it was even done, nodding towards the pile of wrappers and empty pizza boxes waiting to be thrown out. Splinter quietly came and picked Lucy up from Donnie's arms, whispering to his son that he would bring her to her room while he assisted April. They worked quickly, pleasantly, taking the time to catch up with whatever was going on in their lives. Casey was going to be coaching the high school hockey team for the next two years, April informed. Donnie was glad of it, if only because it meant that April would be around for at least that long.

April saved the leftovers, covering a hefty piece of cake with two plates before taking her leave. She hugged Donnie tight, thanked him for the invite and kissed him chastely on the cheek. Donnie's eyes bloomed wide, both of them laughing awkwardly when she pulled away.

Soon April was gone, her footsteps swift as she made it back topside. Donnie glanced at the security feed, his worries gone once he saw her hopping out of the sewer and into her van. He made a mental note to inspect the vehicle next time, goodness knows when they last maintained it.

Alone with nothing but his thoughts for company he spent the late hours rummaging through his lab. Sleep was far from him, his restless mind seeking any distraction. He ploughed through the piles of organized chaos, frowning at the numerous changes that he needed to make on his projects. In his haste a pile of folders spilled out. He cursed as papers and diagrams splattered over the floor, sighing deeply before he crawled down to retrieve them.

He organized the folders quickly, there was one for some skateboard Mikey had begged him for about a month ago that never got past the concept stage, another folder with plans to improve the lighting system in the sewer, and one that even had his old plans for creating retro mutagen. His fingers slipped over a small, rough piece of paper that caught his attention long enough for him to stop his work.

It was a creased picture, the edges torn and the colors dull and hazy. Donnie smiled, clearing out the rest of his desk and carefully putting the photograph safely on the top of the mantle overlooking the other folders.

"Happy mutation day Leo," Donnie said, "Wish you could have been here. You would have loved the movie…"

Leo's faded face stared silently back at him. Donnie blinked.

"Mikey's been great helping out. You would be very proud of him. Master Splinter's been alright too. He has his moments though, missing you. Raph though, well, you know all about that. I try you to be there for them. But sometimes I just feel like I can't do it all. I…"

A sudden warmth spread through his chest, rising up to his neck and flushing across his face until tears burst from his eyes. He hadn't realized how long he'd been holding them back.

"I miss you bro, a lot. And I'm sorry,"

It wasn't his fault. Donnie knew that. But he felt the need to apologize anyways. Someone had to.

"Uncle Don?"

He quickly turned Leo's photo face down.

"Why are you crying?"

He turned around to see Lucy at the doorway, her face peeking through her big yellow blanket.

"Did Raph yell at you again?" The child walked over to her uncle, taking his hand and looking up at him, eyes strangely stern, "I'll hit him with the bo staff,"

"Oh no, don't. I'm alright Lu," Donnie laughed even as he wiped his face with his free hand.

Lucy was unconvinced. She climbed over him, hugging him tightly.

"Are you sure Uncle Don?"

"Yes Lu, I'm sure," Donnie said, rubbing the back of her head in comfort, "I just remembered someone that I miss very, very much," Donnie said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Lucy said. She pulled back and smiled at him, the life in her blue eyes as striking as they were comforting.

"Don't be," Donnie replied, "You make it hurt a lot less. You really do,"

"That's a good thing then," Lucy said, burying herself in Donnie's embrace, "Isn't it?"

"Yes," He said, kissing the top of her head, "A very good thing,"


End file.
